My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
