I'm drive I can fine osifer
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
