I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
