girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
