Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
