And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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