Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
