i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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