I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
