My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
