Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
