Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
we have pet lesbian snakes
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
