At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
