I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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