Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
