I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I will be naked everywhere
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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