Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
