The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
