Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
