She just used a chaser for red wine.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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