I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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