so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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