I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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