I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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