I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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