whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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