I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
