Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Is it because I queefed?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
