I could make wine with my vomit
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
