grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
