Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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