Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
