are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
