Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
