What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
