i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
