These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
