Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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