I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
