I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
