Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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