Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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