im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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