Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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