Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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