there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
