no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
