I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
