so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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