i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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