She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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