I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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