How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
